


Lisa, Lisa

by tardisjournal



Category: Torchwood
Genre: A whole lot of angst, Angst, Community: fan_flashworks, F/F, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-14
Updated: 2014-06-14
Packaged: 2018-02-04 15:32:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1784170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tardisjournal/pseuds/tardisjournal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He'll do whatever it takes to save her. Whatever. It. Takes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. You're lost in the dark, you can trust me

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by “Sad Lisa” by Cat Stevens (though it's not a songfic). See end notes for more on this. 
> 
> The quotes from the show were taken from the “Cyberwoman” transcript by [beccaelizabeth](http://beccaelizabeth.livejournal.com/). The timing of canon events is based on the Torchwood timeline by [lefaym](http://lefaym.livejournal.com/).
> 
> Written for the fan_flashworks challenge "Monsters".

Ianto hung the morphine drip and attached it to the IV port leading to Lisa's femoral artery, careful not to jog it any more than necessary. The location of the port was far from ideal, being in the sensitive groin area, but as there was now a mess of cybernetic wires where the arteries, veins and muscles in Lisa's arms used to be, and a solid cybernetic plate fused to her neck blocking access to the jugular vein, he had had little choice but to put it there and hope the delicate skin wouldn't become too inflamed.  
  
Ianto started the drip and watched Lisa's face carefully for any change. She didn't stir, but after a moment it seemed that some of the lines of pain around her lips and her closed eyes eased. Ianto took it as a sign that the medicine was working. He said a silent prayer of thanks for Torchwood Cardiff's unlimited access to restricted narcotics and Owen's sloppy-record-keeping, and then placed his fingertips against the side of her face.  
  
 **"** It won't be long now,” he murmured, though he hoped she was asleep and couldn't hear him. She hurt too much when she was conscious, despite the fact that over the past few days Ianto had increased her medication to levels so high it would have killed a normal human outright. “Dr Tanizaki phoned to say his plane landed safely and he's getting settled at the hotel. He'll be here shortly.” Right after Jack, Gwen, Tosh and Owen left for their favourite watering hole, in fact.  
  
At least, Ianto hoped the others would be leaving for their favourite watering hole shortly. They usually went every Thursday afternoon when it wasn't busy, which was why Ianto had asked Dr Tanizaki to come at that time.  
  
If for some reason they didn't wrap up their impromptu game of basketball upstairs soon, however, he would have to enact his contingency plan; a hidden sub-routine in the Rift monitoring program that, when activated, would set off a phony alert indicating that something big had just come through. Big enough to require the whole team. (Minus himself, of course. He never went out in the field as he hadn't been “trained up” yet. He had never asked for that training, either. Being away from the Hub for any length of time made him incredibly anxious. He needed to be close to Lisa in case anything went wrong.)  
  
Ianto leaned in and brushed his lips against Lisa's cheek. “Everything is going to be fine, Love. You'll see,” he whispered, then straightened and checked his watch. Nope, it was still too early. He wanted to leave just enough time for Jack to give him any last-minute instructions if he had any, but not enough that the rest of the team would notice him lurking about, get a twinge of conscience, and decide that they should invite him along.  
  
Not that they ever had. But today would be a terrible day to start. He had a lie about all the urgent tasks he had to complete ready on his lips, just in case.  
  
To kill a few more minutes, Ianto fiddled with the items on Lisa's bedside table. He tried to straighten the drooping Lilies, to make them stand upright in their vase, then sighed and gave it up as a lost cause. He made a mental note to buy new ones the next time he was sent on an unavoidable errand.  
  
He examined all the fruit in the fruit bowl, then picked up a banana that was getting too spotty and tossed it in a nearby bin. He tried not to think about what it meant that the bowl of fruit he'd filled so optimistically over a week ago, the day Lisa had rallied and seemed like more herself than she had in a month, hadn't been touched.  
  
Ianto picked up the framed picture of the two of them, removed his handkerchief from his pocket, dusted it, and returned it to its place on the table without looking at it. He didn't dare look at it, not now. He had the feeling that if he did, he'd start crying and never stop.  
  
Though the picture had been taken less than a year ago, at a Torchwood London company picnic, it seemed like a lifetime ago. Ianto and Lisa had spent the whole day together, taking part in silly games and eating lots of junk food, and at the end of it, Ianto had known he was falling in love, harder than he'd ever fallen in his life. They both looked so innocent and so joyful in the photo, smiling goofily (well, he was smiling goofily; Lisa looked radiant as always) that it was now physically painful to look at. That naïve young couple had had no idea that two kinds of warring metal monsters from other worlds would soon turn their workplace into a battleground, kill over a hundred of their friends and colleagues, and try to transform Lisa into one of them, mutilating her body in the process.  
  
It was Lisa's favourite photo, so he kept it by her "bedside" as a silent testament to what they had had, and what he had vowed to get back.  
  
An alarm on Ianto's watch beeped, and he straightened. It was time.  
  
Ianto fidgeted with his clothes, and then watched Team Torchwood file past him without a word of acknowledgement. It was like he was invisible. Well, fine. That was what he had set out to be, after all--the consummate butler, unobtrusive and efficient--or perhaps a flesh-and-blood extension of the Hub itself. Eminently useful—indispensable, even--but as something less-than-human. If it sometimes hurt his feelings that the team treated their machines with more respect than they did him, well, that was of no consequence.  
  
Ianto put up his hands to catch the basketball that Jack tossed at him as an afterthought, but even then he didn't allow his neutral expression to slip. Mustn't let them see him, not really. Not as a person. Not as someone you might want to invite out for drinks on a slow afternoon.  
  
It worked. They were gone. Ianto hurried to order pizza. Two, tonight, partly in case the good doctor got hungry (Ianto prided himself of anticipating the needs of others) but mostly because if—when, _when_ —Lisa was cured tonight, she was bound to be hungry. She hadn't eaten since she'd been partially converted. Ianto had no idea what energy Cybermen ran on, but whatever it was, it had been sustaining Lisa as well. If all went well, it would no longer, after tonight. If all didn't go well—well, Ianto didn't let himself dwell on this possibility. Things would go well.  
  
The giant cog wheel door rolled open, signalling Dr. Tanizaki's arrival. Ianto swallowed hard and hurried to meet him. It was time.


	2. Because you know that's how it must be

Ianto stepped briskly toward the doctor. “Good to see you again, Sir. Are they looking after you at the hotel?”  
  
The doctor didn't answer and Ianto mentally kicked himself. Too casual! He knew better. He'd met Dr. Tanizaki once before, when the Cybernetics expert had been invited by Torchwood London to give a presentation. Ianto had been his assistant for the day, setting up the meeting room, seeing to his meals, and retrieving information for him from the Archives. He knew how old-fashioned the man was; a stickler for proper address. How could he have forgotten? This was no time to let his nerves get the better of him!  
  
“ _Konnichiwa_ , Tanizaki-san,” Ianto tried again, this time with a formal bow. _Good afternoon._  
  
“ _Konnichiwa_ ,” the doctor replied, and Ianto breathed an inward sigh of relief.  
  
Ianto did a double-take when he realised the doctor was carrying only a clipboard and a PDA. Surely he'd need more specialised equipment than that?  
  
Ianto mentally shook himself and forced a smile. Now was not the time for doubts. The man had just flown six thousand miles to treat Lisa. He must have known Torchwood could supply everything he would require. The Cardiff branch wasn't as well-equipped as the London branch, of course, but Ianto would move heaven and earth to get whatever he needed.  
  
Ianto led him to the door to Lisa's room, then paused, seized by the sudden urge that he should warn the doctor, somehow, about what lay within.  
  
"I did all I could. I really did,” he said, not even sure what he was apologising for. His clumsy attempts to keep Lisa alive using a hodge-podge of stolen supplies and alien technology he didn't understand, perhaps. Surely Dr Tanizaki, with his vast knowledge of cybernetics, could have made a better job of it. But it had taken weeks to get in touch with the man, and then a couple more until he was free to come to Cardiff. Lisa had... gotten worse... in the interium.  
  
Ianto swung the door open.  
  
Dr. Tanizaki took a long look around the room, spending as much time examining the things set up for Lisa—the photo, the fruit bowl, the flowers--as he did Lisa herself, suspended from her re-purposed conversion unit in the middle of the room. Ianto thought that was rather odd.  
  
"Tell me, what happened?” Dr Tanizaki enquired.  
  
"She worked for Torchwood London,” Ianto blurted, a bit taken aback. He had already given the doctor this information. It had been necessary to convince him that he wasn't going to be wasting his time—that Ianto was in possession of an actual living Cyberman. “It was the end of the Canary Wharf battle. The Cybermen needed soldiers fast. They started upgrading whole bodies instead of transplanting brains using Earth technology. Lisa was halfway through the process when the machinery shut down.”  
  
Dr Tanizaki was gazing at Ianto now, his face creased with compassion. “You found her?”  
  
Suddenly the room gave a dizzying lurch, and Ianto broke out in a sickening sweat. He was back in Torchwood Tower, trapped in a burning hallway with a screaming Lisa in his arms, flames rising around them as he called desperately for help.  
  
Ianto trembled and ran a hand across his damp brow. It wasn't real. He knew it wasn't real. Through the flames he could still see Dr. Tanizaki—that was reality. He needed to stay in the here and now. He needed to hold it together for Lisa!  
  
Ianto focused on the figure peering patiently up at him until the flames faded. “I pulled her out,” he managed, his voice sounding like it was coming from far away. He shoved his hands into his pockets to hide the fact they were shaking.  
  
"I see.”  
  
Ianto turned back to the conversion unit. “Can you make her human again?” he asked, desperate to turn the conversation away from himself and back on Lisa, where it belonged.  
  
"You said there was somewhere I could work upstairs?”  
  
"Yes, but... Yes, of course.” Ianto suppressed the growing feeling that something was wrong and cut himself off before he could ask the doctor what would undoubtedly be an unwelcome question. He couldn't afford to alienate the man. He was the last person--the only person--in the universe who could help them now.  
  
Ianto showed the doctor to the door, then hurried back to Lisa. Her eyes were open, but he knew that was only an effect of the medication. As it cycled through her system, it sometimes caused involuntarily moments.  
  
He murmured reassuring words to her, just in case she could hear him anyway. Like coma patients were said to.


	3. Lisa, Lisa

The doctor locked the door to Ianto's room behind him, then turned to Jack.  
  
“I'm sorry, Captain Harkness. As you can see, there has been no improvement in Mr Jones's condition.”  
  
“Yeah, I noticed,” Jack snapped.  
  
The psychiatrist had warned him, but it was still a shock to see Ianto now. Clad in a pyjamas and a white hospital robe that hung off his frame, with dark circles under his eyes and his too-prominent cheekbones in a gaunt face, Ianto looked, literally, like a ghost of his former self. Dr Kapur--for it was “Kapur”, not “Tanizaki”—had informed Jack that Ianto only ever picked at his food, eating just enough to sustain him before he was off to do something else for “Lisa”. They were considering force-feeding him.  
  
Jack sighed, suddenly feeling as old as his years. He leaned his forehead against the one-way glass, as if his head was too heavy to hold upright.  
  
"This is all my fault,” Jack said.  
  
"In what way, Captain?”  
  
"I never should have made him choose. To murder the girl he loved or die alongside her by my hand? What kind of choice is that? I was trying to save his life. Instead it broke him.”  
  
Dr Kapur cleared his throat and tucked his clipboard under his arm, turning his full attention to Jack. “We've been over this, Captain—Jack. You did present him with an unfortunate dilemma, one that undoubtedly made an already stressful situation worse. But to be fair, you were under extreme stress yourself at the time. You did what you thought best.”  
  
"Of course I was under extreme stress! The world was about to be invaded by Cybermen! But that's no excuse! I'm the leader of Torchwood Three. Making the right decision under extreme stress is what I _do_!” Jack banged his forehead hard against the glass, then realised what he was doing and straightened. He'd find himself committed here next if he wasn't careful.  
  
Jack looked at Ianto again, his gaze lingering first on the bony wrists protruding from the sleeves of the robe as he fussed around with the cardboard boxes he'd convinced himself were medical machines, and then rising to take in his too-bright eyes, lit from within by a manic fire. He wasn't sure which was more disturbing: Ianto's haggard appearance, such a far cry from that of the wiry, virile youth who seduced Jack one memorable night (and what the hell had _that_ been about?) or his delusions.  
  
"There might not have been a 'right' decision in that situation,” Dr Kapur said in his matter-of-fact way. A former member of the Royal Army Medical Corps who'd turned to the study of psychiatry when he felt the official channels weren't doing enough to help his fellow returning soldiers, he was the only member of Torchwood London left that Jack respected. But that didn't make hearing what he had to say any easier. Jack shook his head, but the doctor continued on. “The Cyberwoman had to be destroyed. Mr Jones would have been hurt no matter how it was done. We can take heart in the fact that, in the end, he did try to follow your orders. That shows that he does have a connection to you, one that he values.”  
  
"Yeah,” Jack snorted. “ And following those orders hurt him so bad he's retreated into a fantasy world where Lisa's still alive. Where he relives her last day over and over, trying to make the outcome different.”  
  
"You're being too hard on yourself, Jack. For months the hope of curing her was the only thing that kept him going. Losing her was the real blow, not your orders. We can hope that with time he'll be able to subconsciously work through enough of the pain to come out of his delusions on his own. There have been similar cases."  
  
"And if he doesn't?"  
  
Dr Kapur didn't answer.  
  
Jack knew they were both thinking about Flat Holm, the island asylum for Torchwood's worst cases. Though Jack had done what he could to make it hospitable, it was little more than a concrete purgatory for those so Rift-damaged they couldn't survive in society; a grim way-station on the way to death. Once someone entered its doors, the only way they left was in a body-bag.  
  
"He's not going there. Ever,” Jack vowed.  
  
"Then beyond what we're already doing, there is only one more thing we can do.”  
  
"What's that?”  
  
"Pray."  
  
Jack would have snorted at that but he was so damn tired.  
  
"Can I go in to see him?”  
  
“That would not be wise. Mr Jones gets rather... agitated when your name is mentioned. He still thinks of you as the enemy, you see. Someone who stands in the way of what he wants. He would only try to deceive you, convince you, or attack you. Remember the last time you tried to see him? It did not end well.”  
  
That was an understatement. Ianto had given Jack a new black eye to replace the one that had finally faded.  
  
“You go in to see him,” Jack said, stubbornly.  
  
“Only because his delusions have convinced him that I'm Doctor Tanizaki. It suits his purposes to believe that. He needs Doctor Tanizaki to be alive both to cure Lisa, and to assuage his own guilt about causing his death. However, it only works if I stick to the script the past has already written. If I try to vary it too much, he becomes agitated to the point of needing to be sedated. That is why seeing you would not help at this time.”  
  
"Uh-huh.” Jack gazed at the floor, feeling utterly defeated.  
  
"Come back again next week,” the doctor added in a softer tone. “We've started him on a cocktail of experimental anti-psychotic medications. It's possible that there will be some improvement by then.”  
  
 _"Or it's possible that there won't,”_ Jack thought. He lifted his head and looked through the window again. Ianto had settled into a chair beside the bed and was reading a book out loud, gesticulating emphatically with his free hand. He paused every few minutes to cast fond looks at the empty pillow.  
  
A painful lump rose in Jack's throat, threatening to choke him.  
  
He turned on his heel and left.

  
\-- _fin_

**Author's Note:**

> I know, probably no one wants to read lyrics for a song they don't know. But this story wouldn't exist without this song, so I thought I'd include them here. (The bolding is mine, for emphasis). Or you can listen [here](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2mn9cEJjJZE) (sorry about the ad!) but be forewarned that listening to this song is like being beat over the head with an angst-stick (and I mean that in the best possible way)!
> 
> I've loved this song since I was a kid (which tells you something about my childhood) and after watching Cat Stevens being inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame I got it out again. After drying my tears, I realized 1) I really wanted to try to capture the emotions this evokes in a fic and 2) Ianto would be the perfect person to inflict this on, and he's already lost someone named Lisa, in very traumatic circumstances.
> 
> Fate?
> 
> **Sad Lisa**
> 
> _She hangs her head and cries on my shirt._   
>  _She must be hurt very badly._   
>  _Tell me what's making you sad, Li?_   
>  _Open your door, don't hide in the dark._   
>  _You're lost in the dark, you can trust me._   
>  _'Cause you know that's how it must be._
> 
> _Lisa Lisa, sad Lisa Lisa._
> 
> _Her eyes like windows, trickling rain_   
>  _Upon the pain getting deeper._   
>  _Though my love wants to relieve her._   
>  _She walks alone from wall to wall._   
>  _Lost in her hall, she can't hear me._   
>  _Though I know she likes to be near me._
> 
> _Lisa Lisa, sad Lisa Lisa._
> 
> _She sits in a corner by the door._   
>  _There must be more I can tell her._   
>  _If she really wants me to help her._   
>  _I'll do what I can to show her the way._   
>  _And maybe one day I will free her._   
>  _**Though I know no one can see her.** _
> 
> _Lisa Lisa, sad Lisa Lisa._ \--Cat Stevens


End file.
